The Land of the Rising Sun

 

This week AD is lost in translation.

I have a love / hate relationship with tokyo. Which probably isn’t abnormal or unheard of. It is a rather strange city – far removed from its Asian neighbours, yet linked closely in similarities to the uk (read: both are over-crowded islands, both are repressed societies, both leaders in technology; the British Industrial Revolution, the Japanese Technological Revolution…)

So I believe it's only fair you hear my list. And please excuse the non-capitalisation of cities / countries - TypePad is playing silly buggers and won't let me capitalise them for some inane reason.

I love…

The Oddities and Strange Japanese-isms. This is probably a little unfair as I suspect there are a lot of very strange things about English culture than any non-Anglo may find amusing. Still, tokyo always appeals to my anthropological training and curiosity of different cultures. My favourite oddities to date:

• You can't use the hotel swimming pool if you have a tattoo. The Beckhams would be buggered.
  
• Shoes only come in three sizes; small, medium and large.
• Fruit is beautifully over-packaged to within an inch of its life. And square watermelons retail for £60
• You can’t smoke anywhere on the street apart from at designated 'smoking corners', yet every bar and restaurant is a haze of smoke.
• Their obsessive-ness with cleanliness, yet their obsessive-ness with schoolgirl's knickers in vending machines. Hmmmm.
• Cartoons are used to illustrate public information / warning signs – I find this strange as it almost makes light of every situation. 
• English Milk Tea flavoured Haagen Dazs and Milk flavoured Pepsi – WTF?!
• The obsession with miniature everything and the fact grown women (and men...) have about 50 dangly things hanging off their mobile phones.

       

The Loos. Where else in the world can you find loos that sing to you, spray water in three different directions, warm your bum and self-clean? I’ve never spent so much time in a cubicle.

The Retail Environment. Having worked in the UK retail industry for nearly 10 years now (ouch), I’ve rarely been inspired by retail quite in the same way as in Tokyo. The sheer variety of independently owned boutiques and stores with totally unique offerings is so refreshing from the cookie-cutter approach we have on the uk high street. Quite refreshing, although depressing at the same time as all the clothes are Mini Mouse size.

The Style. Japanese men really do know how to dress well. These guys put the Italians to shame. The ladies, not so much… sorry girls. Apart from the cos play girls of Shibuya, who’s bleached blonde hair and Manga-style make-up I am endlessly fascinated by.

The Diet Products. Never before have I seen so many collagen based products. Collagen hair shampoo, collagen pills, collagen drinks for goodness sake. Not to mention the ‘cookies that help you bust grow’ (deliberate misspelling BTW), and the ‘baby smooth foot massager’, that resembles a cheese grater for your feet. Oh and not to mention ‘Deep Moist’ – AKA lip balm. Bad choice of wording there, ad boys.

Karaoke. What’s not to love about being locked in a darkened private room, with as much cheap vodka you can throw down your neck, a song directory bigger than the M25 Yellow Pages and a microphone? No one need suffer listening to me belt out Paint It Black ever again.

The fact my work mobile doesn’t work here. Bliss.

  

I hate…

The Extra Charges. Even though you are a paying guest staying at the ANA Intercontinental, you still have to pay additional for wireless internet access, the gym, the pool AND even if you want to park off on one of the sun-loungers. There really is no excuse for this.

The Weather. This is my fourth trip to Tokyo. I moaned my way through winter because it was too cold (it’s Baltic), and then summer was too humid. My beautifully freshly straightened hair, within two and a half minutes of stepping foot outside my hotel, resembled a frizzy mess. I have however been told the beautiful bright spring mornings and cherry blossom may stop my whingeing. But I am British after all… so who knows.

The Beige.  Tokyo, I was once told, reached its peak in the 1980’s. And my vista from the 35^th floor only proves that; revealing a palette of beige, mushroom and computer-monitor grey. There is however the spattering of an architectural experimentation in Harajuku or Omotosando, or the few and far between beautifully reconstructed post-war temples.

 

The Food. Being severely allergic to shellfish means I can’t partake in most culinary delights of japan. And when I order salad with no shrimp, I expect salad with no shrimp and not to be presented with a shrimp salad. So I have learnt to opt for the unidentified ‘meat on a stick’, which unfortunately leaves me having to spend the next few days not too far from a bathroom (reference above note re: loos – this is one saving grace at this point).

The Friendly Airport Limousine. There is NOTHING ‘friendly’ about a grotty coach that plays naff elevator music for two hours whilst crawling through the Japanese countryside from Narita to Tokyo, especially after a painful 13 hour flight from LHR.

The Non-Logic of Street Smarts. The streets don't have street signs. Buildings instead of being numbered in a logical numerical order, are numbered by the date they were built. This drives me crazy. The taxis and their automatic doors. I get yelled at every time in Japanese when my automatic reflex to close a car door kicks in. And weird stuff like this on the subway - why the need for the rail to follow the exact line of the steps please?

 

 

Comments

[Othello]

Very interesting post, I enjoyed reading it. Thanks!